Monday, 7 April 2014

Hiccups for Dummies

The other night my friend almost had her night ruined by a dose of the Hiccups, luckily there are several methods to get rid of them and everyone will give you their own expert method of eluding the (not so) deadly spasms, so just in case you find yourself victim to these unwelcome involuntary convolutions, here is a handy list of ways to dispel yourself of the hiccups:

1: Hold your breath until you pass out, if you wake up and still have the hiccups, repeat process

2: Put your fingers up your nose, in your ears, in your eyes and up your bum, then drink a pint of milk (you may need to borrow some fingers and some milk)

3: Frighten yourself, no-one expects their first hiccup so that in itself should give you a fright meaning you should, in theory, only ever hiccup once

4: Stand on your head and clap your feet whilst armpit farting and recite the alphabet backwards, then forwards, then randomly.

5: Remove the shoelace from your left shoe, wrap it around your right ear then ask the postman for the time, when he gives you the time you must immediately turn and sprint until you are out of his view or out of breath. 
CAUTION: This method usually costs you your left shoe

6: Text your ex then immediately text them again saying that it wasn't meant for them, if this still hasn't worked, leave them an answer phone message apologising

7: Rummage through public garbage bins until you find a tampon 

8: Completely blank the next person that tries to talk to you, wait until they start getting annoyed and confused then take a selfie of the pair of you, post it on twitter with them @'d in and # tag it WHATACUNT then without breaking eye contact with them spit in your own hand, slap yourself in the face and walk away.

9: Put your dads balls in your mouth and hum the tune from Heartbeat (anyones dad will do but it has to be the tune from Heartbeat) If you hiccup on his balls you have to start the tune from scratch

10: Flashmob a mosque

Hope this helps guys!

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