Thursday, 1 March 2012

News for Dummies 1/3/12

Police have found a stash of detonators and explosives in a flat that belongs to the widow of one of the 7/7 suicide bombers; surely she wasn't plotting an attack!? I understand the prospect of 72 virgins in heaven to a bloke, but if she did the deed and got up there she'd be confronted by 72 over eager spotty teenage lads and live an eternity of clumsy fumbles followed by apologies.

What heaving looks like for female suicide bombers

Rihanna had a sauna in London and it messed her hair up so she spent over £15k flying in her stylist from LA to fix her 1st world problem; Shallow bitch, lets have a whip around and raise £15k so we can fly Chris Brown over to punch her in the face.

Actor Bill Nightly needed medical attention after using toilet paper as ear pugs; Doesn't Bill know you suffer memory loss when you wipe your brain.

Two Academics have infuriated the world after suggesting the legalisation of after birth abortions; I nearly jumped on the bandwagon of disagreement then an advert for Geordie Shore come on and it instantly seemed like a very good idea.

A man burned to death after drinking fuel and then having a cigarette; it would take more than Gaviscon to get over that heart burn... his friends said he loved a cigarette so much that when he had his last one his face lit up... rumours that it was suicide have been dismissed but there's no smoke without a fire.... I'll stop.

The policeman who shot the man that triggered the UK riots has said sorry; oh that's O.K. then, if only Hitler had said sorry.

Geese keep being killed by flying into an apartment block in Scarborough; Turns out Geese love virgins too, I had no idea they were islamic. The last time a goose died inflight Maverick was gutted.

The blog reached 50'000 hits today, the only* way New's For Dummies can be found it by posts on Facebook and Twitter so cheers for all the shares.

*I say only, over 1000 people have found it by googling "Adele is fat" and over 100 by googling "Burka Porn" 

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