Monday, 25 March 2013

Traveling for Dummies: Australia Day 1

Come to Australia they said, all the girls wear thongs in the street over here they said. Turns out "Thongs" mean Flip-flops over here, somebody ought to tell Sisqo. I did my first gig straight off the plane at The Comics Lounge last night and although I'd took 5 flights over 60 hours on minimal sleep to get here it wasn't the fatigue or jet-lag that bothered me, it was the anxiety that I might be using words that don't translate over here. Even when I started my opening routine about a swimming pool, I had my doubts that it was even called a swimming pool over here, knowing the Aussies they probably call it a "fun puddle" or a "splash basin" or something, luckily they laughed at every punchline despite me ending each line with a question mark.

I went for a run this-morning? afternoon? evening? WHAT TIME IS IT? Currently my phone says it's 15:30 but my Mac says it's 04:30 I don't know if my mac thinks is going forward or back in time, i'm so confused, what is time? Regardless of the hour I went for a run, my mind thought it was a good idea, it said "Let's go for a run Kai, remember we used to run, you worked at a leisure centre remember, we're fit" but on the run my body had different ideas it was like "Dude you've been smoking weed and drinking for 4 years solid and you've hardly slept in a week" meanwhile the sun was going "You haven't put sunscreen on you stupid mother fucker, this is the closest I've ever been to you and there's a hole in the ozone layer here bitch, your ass is mine" that's when my poor hair decided to remind me that we're ginger. Going for a run was not a good idea in this heat the shape I'm in, I feel like I've just ate a big warm bowl of cancer. But I maintain that I'm gonna be active while I'm over here, but indoors, I've found a gym, climbing wall and a fun puddle near my hostel.

While I was scoping the area out I found a nice little arcade off Bourke street, it was the quaintest little place, designer chocolate shops, trinket shops, shops selling spells and witch-craft, all very novelty and cute until I saw a golliwog (note: I saw a stuffed toy, golliwog, for sale, in a shop, I wasn't dropping a racist bomb stating in a derogatory way that I saw a black person in the mall and it spoilt my day) but once I saw one golliwog I saw a million. They're in abundance, surely they can't be in that high demand? The Aussies just brush it off "it's just a teddy" haha it's a teddy dressed as a minstrel mate! It's got a frizzy fro and clown lips, it's a destructive symbol of racism! You wouldn't make a skinny, bald teddy in striped pyjama that you can take in the shower with you and say "it's just a teddy" However, no-one at all seems to give a shit, there's a laid back approach to political correctness over here and although I do believe in tact, it's refreshing that no-one seems to hinder themselves with the worry that people take offence and as a byproduct it seems no-one is getting offended! It's pretty fucking laid back over here to say the very least.

I'll try to keep you all updated back home with my shenanigans via occasional blogs. Miss you all already.


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