Tuesday, 3 June 2014

News for Dummies 03/06/14

The host of a the mutton dressed as lamb awards... I mean the annual hair and beauty awards, Ruthanne Ried, head-butted 57 year old guest, Kerryanne Campbell, last night in Glasgow; however the 'Glasgow kiss' is a sign of affection in those parts and the OAP was grateful for the make-over. Nothing says 'successfull party' in Glasgow like a pensioner getting an exfoliated forehead to the face. Celebrity guest and TOWIE vacuum Mark Wright told The Sun newspaper "I haven't stopped masturbating" 

Police have started digging up wasteland close to where Madeline McCann disappeared after following new leads in the investigation; fact is there are no new leads, just Kate and Gerry need new material so they can write another book to cash in on their murder. 

The NHS has been blasted because patients aren't being treated within their guaranteed wait time; I hate that every time the NHS gets blasted pretentious wanks pipe up saying 'well if you've got a problem with the NHS why don't you move to America where they have to pay for health care!?' That's not how it works, if I thought Britain had a drug problem I wouldn't move to Columbia to gain some perspective, when we're all struggling in an economic recession the answer isn't moving to fucking Zimbabwe. If your spinal injury is worsiening to the point of irreparable because your free healthcare is actually a non existent false promise, aren't we in a position to make some noise about it?

The Queen has denied rumours that she might step down, at the ripe old age off 88 her majesty doesn't want to drift into obscurity in her latter years denying her adoring nation an imminent bank holiday. 

The new IOS software update for the iPhone has an app that gives health advice; I hope the health advice just says "You don't have fucking insomnia you attention seeking fuck so don't even think about posting it on Facebook, how do you expect to get some shut-eye when you spend your first hour in bed with a million terrawatts of iPhone brightness emitting into your retinas disrupting the chemicals in your brain to think it's daylight, put your phone down and go to fucking sleep"

A pair of pranksters staged a brutal axe murder as the google street view car passed by which had users off the website convinced enough to call the police, and to conclude today's blog here it is along side some of the best street view pranks I could find on the Internet...

And my personal favourite....

Bonus pictures, these aren't pranks... Just fucked up:

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