Jordan has been in a car crash <insert joke about airbags> she has been quoted in saying "The car crash was traumatic for me as it felt like a metaphor for my entire career and I don't even know what metaphor means!"
The Royal wedding is approaching and during this big day the queen WILL fart, if she doesn't she'll have an upset tummy by Saturday. Get used to the idea, her bum will open and create a smell during what is meant to be a romantic day. Can't take her anywhere
Tornado's are hitting southern parts of the states picking up trailer-park homes and dumping them in OZ (not Australia) where a bunch of read-necks have set off down the yellow brick road to ask the wizard for a full set of teeth and a tolerance for black people.
The PlayStation network is down which has lead to me writing a blog instead of waxing bad guys on call of duty.
A DJ on the Isle of White has been arrested for Racism because he played "Kung Fu Fighting" ........ AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I will get round to writing a joke on this and it will have expert timing!
Geordie Shore cast is announced because the media has decided that Gazza hasn't done enough to make a twat of us, all we need now is Jimmy Nail to molest a child and Ant & Dec to become henchmen for Gaddafi.
Bank robbers caught in USA after boasting about it on facebook..... Or if they have mates like me they didn't rob the bank at all, they probably just left their phones unattended at a house party.
Back same time tomorrow,
Stay classy San Diego!