Tuesday, 17 July 2012

News for Dummies 17/7/12

The bus driver taking the US olympic team from Heathrow to their hotel got lost in London traffic yesterday; well they say he got lost, but in reality he had to take them on a route that avoided the olympic torch in case they stole the oil out of it.

A woman is claiming to have been raped while sleep walking down the street in west London; Forensics are busy doing a number of checks, mainly to see how much cheese she ate before bed.

A prison warden has been jailed for smuggling in mobile phones for inmates; Has he been CHARGED?? Does he have a CONtract?? Is he in a CELL now?? How many BARS does he have?? Is he in an ORANGE jumpsuit??  that's enough PUNishment.

God I'm lazy today.

Charlie Sheen's ex girlfriend claimed he liked to Tweet during sex; I mean we all make the odd noise in bed but that must have been one hell of a turn off.

He's taking "on the nest" a bit too seriously

A maths teacher won who won £275,000 on the lottery in May has just won another £558,000; Now he's got.... errrm....
A fake doctor who has been groping patients has been dubbed "The Big Bad Wolf" This to me just seems like a passive way of calling all of his victims pigs

A report shows more men in the North use Viagra than anywhere else in Britain; HAVE YOU SEEN OUR WOMEN!!!..... I'm kidding ladies..... actually I'm not, you're harder than the men.... as evidence suggests.

Way to kill my boner!!

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