Showing posts with label towie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label towie. Show all posts

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

News for Dummies 9/11

It's the real 9/11 I can't believe it's been over 10 years to this day since... Afroman "Because I got High" was number one in the charts. Let's have a minutes silence shall we.

Fifa have banned the England football team from wearing strips with the Poppy sewn into them as a tribute to our soldiers; I find this incredibly unfair considering they are still letting the French team keep the Chicken.

X-Factor "star" (I use the term star lightly) Frankie Cocozza gets kicked off the show for having a coke fuelled sex session; what are you doing having that much fun Frankie??? Who do you think you are using mind altering narcotics to enhance your OWN consciousness then following the force of mother-nature to then have SEX with chicks!! We don't want people having fun on our TV while we sit in our pyjama's drinking cocoa being told what to watch and how to think!! You know what we should do, brain wash the nation by villainizing him!

Look….The minute Frankie Cocozza took a line of coke off a sluts tit's is the moment I had any respect for a someone on X-factor. Fuck social conditioning!!

Joey Barton has been slammed by a disability charity for his calling The Only Way Is Essex "stars" (I use the term stars sarcastically) Retards; The charity need to understand he used the word "Retard" to dehumanise a group of people with special needs. It wasn't a dig at the people supported by their cause.

Watchdogs have revealed over 200 nurses in the UK are employed without their qualifications; So if you're reading this blog from a hospital bed with a catheter up your nose, you might want to start asking to see CV's.

Ex Man City star Garry Flitcroft has been asked by St Anne’s Church to remove a bench he had installed as a memorial to his dad;  call in a favour Garry, sit Man City’s Carlos Tevez on said bench and there'll be nothing St Anne’s can do to get him off it.

A woman died in hospital after she was wrongly given a "Do Not Resuscitate" tag;  The tag that was meant to go on her bed was given to a lucky old man who was in for his ingrown toe-nails but spent 4 hours receiving the kiss of life from unqualified nurses.


A smoke alarm started a house fire as it burst into flames in a family home in Yorkshire;  next we'll be hearing about condoms that get people pregnant, guard dogs that burgle your house and church workers that molest your children!!

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

News for Dummies 26/10

John Terry compliments Anton Ferdinand on his tan during Chelsea's clash with QPR; If JT isn't in your wife he's in a race row. The last "national treasure" to be overtly racist married Ashley Cole to prove she wasn't... You know what you've gotta do lads, it's been a while since England had a good defencive partnership!!

"I'm a gentle lover"
The FA have hired lip readers to work out what Terry really said to Ferdinand, I'm no expert but I think he called him a "Plaque Stunt"

Another politician has been outed for not paying his taxes; but as a stand-up comedian I refuse to make any hypocritical jokes on this matter

Over half of British adults are scared of the dark, confined spaces and loud noises.... Yeah, women and homosexuals

Italy and Man City striker Mario Balotelli went to the shop for some cleaning products for his mam and come back with a Trampoline... the thick shit probably couldn't find this:
It's not the first time he's been confused, it's like the time he turned up to shooting practice with a gun!

Kylie Minogue is to be paid £1m to judge on BBC talent show yet Lindsay Lohan is to be paid £1m to bare all in playboy... Would the beeb please consult me on how they spend my TV license now I know it can be spent more productively, we'd much rather see Kylie's minge than her opinion!

Attention whores Sam and Billie from the only way is Essex say they are afraid to go anywhere without protection after being beat down; if they had such a firm belief in protection in the first place half of Essex wouldn't be on antibiotics right now!

A baby is born in Egypt with 2 mouths.... handy, her mother has two breasts! Do you need any more proof of evolution??


VVVV now click one of the letters bellow the grey writing (My faves are the T and the F)