News for Dummies 26/10

John Terry compliments Anton Ferdinand on his tan during Chelsea's clash with QPR; If JT isn't in your wife he's in a race row. The last "national treasure" to be overtly racist married Ashley Cole to prove she wasn't... You know what you've gotta do lads, it's been a while since England had a good defencive partnership!!

"I'm a gentle lover"

The FA have hired lip readers to work out what Terry really said to Ferdinand, I'm no expert but I think he called him a "Plaque Stunt"

Another politician has been outed for not paying his taxes; but as a stand-up comedian I refuse to make any hypocritical jokes on this matter

Over half of British adults are scared of the dark, confined spaces and loud noises.... Yeah, women and homosexuals

Italy and Man City striker Mario Balotelli went to the shop for some cleaning products for his mam and come back with a Trampoline... the thick shit probably couldn't find this:

It's not the first time he's been confused, it's like the time he turned up to shooting practice with a gun!

Kylie Minogue is to be paid £1m to judge on BBC talent show yet Lindsay Lohan is to be paid £1m to bare all in playboy... Would the beeb please consult me on how they spend my TV license now I know it can be spent more productively, we'd much rather see Kylie's minge than her opinion!

Attention whores Sam and Billie from the only way is Essex say they are afraid to go anywhere without protection after being beat down; if they had such a firm belief in protection in the first place half of Essex wouldn't be on antibiotics right now!

A baby is born in Egypt with 2 mouths.... handy, her mother has two breasts! Do you need any more proof of evolution??

VVVV now click one of the letters bellow the grey writing (My faves are the T and the F)