Tuesday, 25 October 2011

News for Dummies: Come-Back Special

Well the idea was to stop blogging until the end of our tour, but it became apparent that without "News For Dummies" none of us knew what the fuck was going on in the world (not even the Government) and the earth actually stopped turning on its axis. So here we go I'm restarting this vital source of national intelligence before everyone gives up hope and curls up in a corner dying of misinformation.... lets have a quick recap of October:

Gadaffi is dead; we know this because he was paraded around with bullet holes in his face, finally an evil tyrant killed with actual proof of death unlike the mystery shrouding the death of terrorist leader, warlord, and bringer of destruction, Amy Winehouse, earlier this year.

Maybe they're the same person???

Jodie Marsh reappears in the public eye as a body builder.... I told you there was lots of protein in spunk!

The Mac Daddy, Steve Jobs died aged 56; and despite the Dr's best efforts of shaking him to undo his death a spiral appeared in the middle of his face and he went blank. I'm not sure we've seen the last of him though, if I was a multi-billion dollar genius with the world’s biggest computer company at the dawn of artificial intelligence, I'd find a way of immortalizing myself as data ready for the rise of the machines. Just saying with Osama, Gadaffi and Winehouse gone the world needs a new comic book villain

Despite the Jobs loss Apple didn't crumble, but Blackberry did as BB messenger went down for weeks; causing 1000's of pretentious, self absorbed pricks to find a different method of telling other pretentious, self absorbed pricks that they've had their teeth whitened! If you are reading this on your blackberry please tell me how you got your head and your device up your own arse!!??

Gypsy's have been evicted from dale farm; they should occupy wall street, I mean there is no gold behind the currency but they have stole enough Lead from school roofs to put behind it. And they say the banking system isn't fair.... If anyone knows about fairs it's the gypo's!!

Westlife split up but only so they can have their come-back in a few years time. I've seen it all before, for instance Boy-Zone wanted their come-back it's just a shame they found it up Stephen Gately's arse at the post-mortem.

Defence Secretary Liam Fox got fired for bumming his best man or something; (I haven't done my research) I just know I've been best man on two occasions and haven't got so much as a hand-job!

After a recent Shark attack in Australia Police have give orders to hunt down and kill the Great-White; that will send a message to other Sharks as the gossip spreads through the ocean "Don't bite those pink monkeys did you see what they did to Keith" I'm not sure they're capable of processing discipline!!

But they would be a lot more forgivable if they had human teeth....

"Geeee.... I'm Sowwwyyyy"

If you enjoy this blog, spread the word, post it on your wall, tweet it, print it out and put it on the back off the staffroom toilet door..... do whatever you need to do to get the news to the people who need it!!

I'm sure lots more happened this month but I'll be back from tomorrow with the DAILY blog to make sure nothing slips the net.

No comments:

Post a Comment