Monday, 31 October 2011

News for Dummies 31/10

There is a whirlwind of controversy surrounding XFactor as they reveal that they digitally altered a contestants voice to make it sound better; wait til the brain dead public find out you can digitally alter the entire show from home to make it better by pressing the following combination of buttons on your sky remote: 9-0-6

America have sent out unmanned spy drones to hunt out Somalian pirate terror camps; yeah that's what we need to do to bring down those lawless villains, play with remote control toys!! Why don't we just pogo-stick up to the cunts and fire at them with nerf guns!!

Childs Play

A priceless hoard of ancient coins known as the treasure of Benghazi has been stolen; I say they're probably just down the back of the couch!

The Mario Balloteli Corner
He's in the news again but I think they're running out of stories on him because this time it's for wearing a beanie hat covered in skull and crossbones. However the photo was taken from a pilotless US spy drone.  This might also explain the missing coins and Man City's unlimited funds!

A 90 year old woman was delighted to discover her new care home was the same house she grew up in as a child; this is a heart warming tale for me and you but it's a fucking horror story for Elizabeth Fritzl

1 in 10 people use Facebook to hunt down their ex to rekindle the lost love but only 1 in 100 get their end away; the other 99% have to make do with tragically masturbating over a bikini photo that some other bloke took.

Maxine Carr (ex of The bubblebath assassin Ian Huntly) has had her baby taken off her and it will live a secret life; is that not what they tried do do with Jesus after his dad killed everyone in a flood??

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