Tuesday, 1 November 2011

News for Dummies 1/11

The ex husband of Scary Spice held their daughter captive during a custody visit; 12 year old Pheonix Chi Spice filed the offence to the police... Now if I knew I could get my parents arrested every time they grounded me I would have had a very different childhood, and Mr.Barrass would have got a lot more dog shit through his letter-box!

The longest serving  007 agent, Roger Moore, slammed the most recent Bond film (Quantum of Solace) stating it had a shaky plot; wait til he finds out the new James Bond is tipped to be Michael J Fox.

Study suggests happy people are less likely to die young....

"I'm living forever bitch!"

A teenager was jailed yesterday for stealing two left footed trainers during the riots; he would have got away with it but the police caught him running around in circles.

The "What's Mario Balotelli in the news for today?" Corner
Man City Striker Mario Balotelli has built a race track in his back garden; That's nothing, John Terry started a race row on his doorstep!
Mario Balotelli Kart

Susan Boyle has announced she is lonely and wants a man so bad she has baught a Donny Osmond Duvet; unfortunately for Donny it's a voodoo duvet and he now has broken ribs, smells of aids and hasn't stopped crying, shrieking or throwing up for weeks. He's nearly dead.

A man has been jailed for stalking his ex-girlfriend online after she aborted their child; he posted pictures of her boobies onto websites to get her back from holding ctrl+alt+delete on her womb, as if that will help matters, it will only encourage other men to kill their potential babies into a handful of kleenex!

Newlywed Kim Kardashian is set to divorce Kris Humphries after just 72 days; I think I know why......

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