Friday, 25 November 2011

News for Dummies 25/11

So I'm sat in the lobby of a Hilton hotel reading The Independent, all the power-businessmen schmoozing over a mocha-locha-chocka-blockachino probably assume I'm writing something important, little do they know I'm gonna see how many dick jokes I can squeeze out of the business section!

At least 6 people have died after being told at Church that they were healed from their HIV and to stop taking their medication; Listen, If an establishment that tells you a magic man lives in the sky, a mean man lives in the magma and that hailing some slut called Mary every time you're naughty gains you access to another dimension... seek proof of their claims before you take medical advice off the cunts! AMEN

Oh No... An expectant mother went to have one of her twins aborted as it had a heart defect and they aborted the wrong twin; Fucking WHOOPS!!

Locals surfers in Hawaii have been fighting on the South Shore with the influx of Brazilian surfers who are taking over the beaches; Onlookers said it was like really gay version of the Saving Private Ryan opening scene. They were ripping each other’s Lie's off, one man even got hit with a flip-flop. It was Gnarly

Page 3 in the independent isn't as fun; However the model does have a lovely pair of....glasses!

People with spinal injuries or neurological disorders such as Parkinson’s have new hope after a recent discovery that mouse embryo nerve cells can develop into human brain cells; side effects of the treatment could result in an irrational fear of cats, an overwhelming desire for cheese and looking like Lady Gaga:

Medical Pioneer / Mouse face

Geeez! The Independent is no gold mine; but it does have staples in so I could blog in the wind.

A Jewellery shop owner fought off a knife wielding robber with a broom; I think he swept his legs!

6 Mexican convicts attempted a 70mile swim in a prison escape attempt; Well we think they were Mexicans, they might just be British citizens that are taking part in Movember, this is the theory of Sebastian Coe who is trying to claim them for our Olympic team next year.

And this girl has a foot for a head:

Face Hopper

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