Thursday, 24 November 2011

News for Dummies 24/11

A Dr in Miami has been arrested for injecting Cement into patient’s bottoms when they visit her for cosmetic surgery; The poor patients bust be shitting bricks!

Perverts are using satellite navigation technology to find kids; lazy bastards, when I was a kid they had to drive around aimlessly in a van and work hard gaining our trust with sweets and puppies. Now they can just buy a peeping TomTom.

Britain’s population could soar to 80million in the next 50 years; If Kerry Katona doesn't stop having babies.

Adele could return to the stage for the final of X-Factor after being out since October with a crippling throat condition; she has a rare condition fat people sometimes get where their throat is constantly being occupied by food making it virtually impossible to be used for singing.

A girl from Newcastle had her arm ripped off by a train when she took a glancing blow at high speed on a level crossing and Dr's at the RVI Hospital managed to sew it back on; This is why I love Geordie lasses, she probably didn't even flinch, just picked it up and took it to the RVI herself, I bet the arm didn't lose it's grip on the bottle of White Lightening she was holding either. And she probably still managed to use the dismembered arm to toss off the taxi driver to get to hospital for free! 

My dinner is ready and I have gig after so I gotta go but I'll leave you with a reason to feel good about yourself:

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