Friday, 11 November 2011

News for Dummies 11/11

A whistle-blower has announced UK boarders are at breaking point with more people entering the country illegally than ever before; but if it wasn't illegal to enter the country with 150ml of shampoo in your hand luggage than the statistics would be acceptable.

A Scotland Yard chief inspector was sacked for boasting about drugs and sex on a dating website; I blame Frankie Cocozza from X-factor, some-one should explain to that 18 year old tear-away about his responsibilities as a role model to senior members of the metropolitan police.

Ex Prime-Minister John Major said something about something or other; but he should probably concentrate on killing himself!

Scientists have discovered people who are stressed age faster; here are some of their case studies:
Tom Cruise: Can't find his keys

Usher: iPhone Battery ran out an hour ago

Gazza: No-one to go fishing with

A jealous wife caused a street in South London to be evacuated when police mistook the GPS tracking device she secretly attached to her husband’s car for a bomb; even if it wasn't a terrorist attack I reckon Seal Team 6 should still ice the bitch for being a cunt!

A woman survived a car crash with a punctured lung that would have been fatal if she wasn't wearing Chicken fillets to make her boobs look bigger; Why as a nation did we not make Princess Dianna more insecure about her little tits (not her children) we could have saved a national treasure.

Studies suggest a typical Adult makes 27 decisions in a day; unless of course you are a married man and then you make none, well, one, the daily decision not to murder your other half!

Wow that blog got very sexist towards the end.... Sorry girls..... now go do the dishes!!

1 comment:

  1. No need to get all sexist now Kai.
    Though I let you off simply because I love how much you use the word cunt, always frowned upon when I use it but it has a ring to it that makes it my favourite swear word