Thursday, 10 November 2011

News for Dummies 10/11

Olympic chiefs released a poster of London but they have insulted war veterans by airbrushing out the warship HMS Belfast from the scene; If only they could also airbrush away all their problems, like our poor traffic infrastructure, the increased threat of terror and Tessa Jowell's face.

Eye sore!!

MARIO BALOTELLI (I love this man) could be in trouble with the mafia after visiting the gangster HQ in Naples then bragging publically about how much drugs they had lying around; He got a fright when he woke up this morning to find a horse’s head at the foot of his bed... but soon realized he was top and tailing with teammate Carlos Tevez

A teacher is facing 60 years in jail for having sex with eleven of her male pupils aged 14-17; There are worries the 11 lads have been affected psychologically and may even spend the rest of their live high-5ing each other.

A postman who horded over 30'000 letters must pay a £1700 fine; he has also been kicked off the scrabble team.

A council has brought in Cows to cut down on expensive lawn mower bills; but you get what you pay for though, the original blokes that mowed the lawn for the council don't get tipped over by drunks in the night nor did they get kidnapped by students and wake up in halls of residence!!

I'd love to slap every member of One-Direction in the face with a trout

A man is fighting for his life after he was attacked by a swarm of wasps when he tried to clear their nest with an axe; what a useless cunt!! this is natural selection at its finest who attacks wasps with an axe?? If he survives he'll probably die attacking piranhas with nun-chucks. What a dick.

Two gay penguins have been split up in Toronto Zoo and coupled with female penguins; they don't  appear to be attracted to the female penguins but still touch them up when they're drunk they also cock-block any straight penguins that try to make a move on the other females. On the plus side, the zoo is really tidy.

Newcastle United's stadium has been renamed "The Sports Direct Stadium" By it's fat abortion of a chairman; Renaming our Stadium won't change 119 years of tradition, it's still St James' Park, if Mike Ashley officially changed his own name everyone would still call him a cunt!

Because today's news was slow there was a feature in today's papers about photo's of real Angry Birds, so here are a few:

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