Tuesday, 22 November 2011

News for Dummies 22/11

Since I last blogged Fifa chief Sepp Blatter has announced racism can be resolved with a hand shake; fuck, if this pioneer around 60 years ago poor Martin Luther King would have got a repetitive strain injury.

Then the peoples moron Neil Warnock suggested all black people should rebel by not playing in the Next International match whichever nation they play for; Let’s hope the next match isn’t Italy Vs Tanzania, Mario Balotelli (the world’s only black Italian) will have to watch all his mates play against Albino’s
At least Wes Brown isn’t good enough to play international football otherwise he’s have a massive identity crisis
Xbox has been hacked and thousands of accounts could be at risk of identity and financial theft; fortunately the network won’t be going down like the PS3 did because Xbox users have no identity or money, however they are at risk of losing the imaginary points they earned by completing Viva PiƱata.
Kenneth Clark is in trouble again for saying some rapes are worse than others; I’m inclined to agree having your bum raped is a lot different to having your facebook raped. One is an embarrassing violation of your human rights and the other is like having a big poo.
Prince Charles visited a Stella Artois brewery; Stella is known to us working class as wife beater, but I bet when he got home he hit Camilla she just ran faster and won by a nose.
A beach in Fife, Dalgety Bay, has been deemed radioactive; the mutations caused by the radioactivity is expected to counteract the mutations from all the inbreeding and finally Fifers will look like real people.
A 73 year old gran is claiming a Ghost with arms like an octopus is groping her at night and it's giving her the creeps; it might be the ghost of the dead 2010 world cup psychic, Paul the Octopus, coming back with predictions on which one of her boobs has a tumor.

Or it could just be Wayne Rooney!

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