Wednesday, 16 November 2011

News for Dummies 16/11

A government scheme has been announced that gives companies £1500 in cash for taking on youngsters as apprentices; I'm assuming the money is to cover the cost of everyone’s stuff going missing out of the staff-room!

Although it is nice to see a Tory government encouraging young people to find employment after decades of putting minors out of work.

Whacky TV show Shooting stars has been axed almost two decades after people got board of it; Who'd have thought rubbing your legs and saying "Erano" would ever get old!? I hope in 20 years time we aren't watching a weathered Keith Lemon on Celebrity Juice trying to get a few more chuckles out of "Cha-Ting"
Did some-one say flogging a dead horse??

Chantelle Haughton (Celebrity Big Brother) and Alex Ried (Got Aids from Jordan) are having a baby; by this pair mixing their DNA the baby will be so anonymous that no one will ever know it even exists, it won't have a name or NI number. This baby is gonna be off the grid!

Coronation Street actor Michael Le Vell who plays Mechanic Kevin Webster has been accused of touching kids; We should have clicked on when we saw him on TV with his head under a 6 year old Escorts bonnet. 

The Policeman blinded by Raul Moat has split up with his wife; the pair agreed it was never going to work out, after all, she's allergic to dog hair.

A woman has been fined £465 for throwing a fag on the ground outside her house; Shit, I bet there are Bouncers in Brighton that owe a few grand each!

A man caused criminal damage to his ex-girlfriend’s house after he logged onto facebook and saw she had posted pictures of his cock; as a man you regulate any photo's of your own cock, It's gotta be on at least a quarter chub and at a camera angle so crafty it looks bigger than your fore-arm. That said he should just click "like".... HOWEVER..... If he let her have pictures of his flaccid penis after a jog or after taking speed that she took from a distance, then he should be trashing his own house the Fucking Moron.

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