Steven Gerrard has named his daughter Lourdes; he wanted to name her Michaela but couldn’t pronounce it without hocking up phlegm.
Olympic medallist Liz McColgan is being charged for assaulting her husband; Fair play to him, he tried to run away but it turns out she’s really quick.
Man it’s tough getting jokes out of the Metro newspaper…. This blog is gonna be short and will probably end with a photo montage
Due to Navy cutbacks the British coast hasn’t been guarded by a single battle ship for months; But it’s alright there is a constant stream of drunk, stoned and sexually aggressive Geordies travelling between Holland and South Shields. If any Somalian Pirates try to infiltrate our shores we can redirect the ferry and tash the fuck oot of them!!
Scarlet Johansson has said she is not ashamed of the naked pictures that were hacked from her phone…… wait a minute….. There are naked pictures of Scarlet Johansson???..... brb… Here you go lads: The next 4 hours of your life and sorry the blog is late today :o)
Where was I…
Apparently Hugh Grant has a baby but no-one knows who the mother is; it’s like that time he had a career but no-one knew where the talent was!!
Syria have been planting land mines along its border with Lebanon, soldiers were spotted laying the explosives in Baalbek (Syrian for Berwick); The Lebanese were going to send in bomb disposal teams but first enquired about hiring Margaret Thatcher as they heard she was amazing at shutting down mines.
And here are some drawings of me from my twitter following:
|By Arnie Hawking, aged 9|
|By Craig Buthead, aged 30|
|By Chesney Weasley, aged 14|
|By Roberto Cock, Aged 4ft7|
|By Chelsea Hudson-Humphries, aged 18|
|By what's his face, not sure of his age|
|make an effort|
|By a bit of a stalker, aged 16 i hope|
|By, Daniella Sloss, aged 1|