Wednesday, 8 February 2012

News for Dummies 8/2/12

Singer Adele has been criticised by style guru Karl Largerfield for being too fat; You'd think with the amount of songs about being dumped the heart break diet would be doing her the world of good, I guess every time she's unlucky in love her mates turn up in droves with barrels of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough.

Theresa May is urged to kick hate preacher Abu Qatada out of the country; You'd think deporting and Islamic extremest out of the country would be a gimme, everything she does always has an air of uncertainty to it, that might be why she's called Theresa "May"..... Theresa may tighten the boarders for illegal immigrants, Theresa may deport known terrorists, Theresa MAY actually be a man despite having no balls!

Kylie Minogue has had trouble with a stalker sending her hate mail on twitter, police have urged the micro blog site to create a code of conduct; they suggested the following rule: Love thy neighbour

A tramp was found frozen in a park in Hull; I didn't know they made special brew extra cold.

John Terry has been dumped from his boot sponsor Umbro for his racist remarks; the irony being if instead of saying "you black cunt" to Anton Ferdinand he'd paused for thought and said "" he'd have probably got away with that slur.

Hospitals have admitted they are failing to tackle a killer super bug that has already taken the lives of many patients; they also apologise for playing Jumanji

Studies show spending too much time in the Mirror can be depressing; that's why I stopped using it for my blog stories, that and it has no page 3 girl.

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