Thursday, 24 January 2013

News for Dummies 24/01/2013

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse..... Well that's handy!

Fast food chains like Burger King and McDonalds are now dumping burgers in case there are traces of horse meat, now as I'm aware horse meat is safe to eat and we can't taste the difference.... I'll tell you what isn't safe to eat and tastes like poison, GHERKINS, but you have no qualms about spiking my tasty snack with those little rancid cunts.

Here's a little fact about GHERKINS, McDonalds burgers have such a high sugar content, if it wasn't for the acidic GHERKINS bringing the overall sugar content of the burger down, by law it would have to be taxed as a cake. So my theory is, they dumped those burgers knowing people feed horses suger cubes thus requiring extra GHERKINS, and they drew the moral line at doing that to us!

A 15 year old girl who killed herself is said to have done so because of school bullies, the community are demanding the bullies are named and shamed. I don't think this is right, we need the necessary evil that is bullying to mould us as adults, we don't want to come out of school as the same pussies that went in, we simply wouldn't survive in this cruel world. Seriously, if it wasn't for bullies I'd still be this guy...

"It is posible for a child to look like a pedophile"  - Mark Nelson

...And I'd rather be dead.

Tory MP, Anna Soubry, claims you can tell a persons background by their weight as most poor people are fat. We live in a nation where our "poor" people are fat and they complain about money troubles on the internet via their iPhones, economic crisis what?? We don't know what poor is. I'd love to see a TV advert appealing for donations to help Africa, showing a fat Somalian woman sat watching Jeremy Kyle, tweeting about not getting her benefits... "for just £3 per month we can give this cunt more cigarettes" 

Poooor Poooor Britain, put your dummy in, get a job, get a diet, get a life!

An RE teacher was jailed for 5 years after telling her pupils not to marry so they can sleep around; at least she was just suggesting the kids should have sex, the PE teachers usually force them to. 

Prince Harry is back from Afghanistan and is eager to meet back up with his step-brother William; Wills was worried sick about Harry, not due to the threat of the Taliban but more the fact he was a ginger in the desert!

Chelsea midfielder Eden Hazard kicked a ball boy in the semi.............. final of the Capital Cup. 
The 17 year old ball boy stopped Hazard getting the ball so he kicked him in the ribs (not the semi) resulting in a red card. Is it that big a deal if the ball "boy" was 17? When Hazard could have got away with a yellow for the same thing on a 17yo footballer. If 17 year olds aren't considered adults, well handcuff me and take me to jail because I'm a bad bad man! 

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