Wednesday, 15 January 2014

News for Dummies: 15/01/14

One Direction's Liam Payne has been bollocked by his management after being photographed balancing on the 34th floor ledge ledge of a building. His agent reportedly said to Liam "what do you think you're doing risking your life? Do you think the list of musicians who died young... Jimmy Hendrix, Tupac Shakur, Amy Whinehouse, Kurt Cobain, Otis Reading, Buddy fucking Holly... would look right with the name LIAM PAYNE on it? How dare you threaten to taint that list. You boys have to live forever."

Rolf Harris had 12 charges of sexual assault put to him as he stood in court yesterday; so if that's how many people he assaulted just while he stood in court, the grand total must be millions.

Kanye west punched an 18 year old boy on the arm for verbally abusing his vapid attention whore, Kim Kardashian; Just going around punching people in the arm are you Kanye? Classic arm punch? That'll teach him. You should try this combo "Arm Punch, Slap to the face, Yell 'Stop it', Tell their dad"

You're meant to be a rapper, if someone abused DMX or Ice Cube's wife they'd end up being a statistic. Never mind going around punching people in the arm.

Justin Bieber got arrested last night for criminal damages after throwing Eggs at his Neighbours house; today's news just seems to be fake musicians attention seeking to shamelessly extend their meagre shelf life, I mean Rolf took the attention seeking a bit far, but at least molesting people is more rock and roll than throwing eggs.

Ken Barlow is denying charges of sexual assault but I think this photo says it all:

"please.... no...."

150 Police raided 15 Sauna's across Edinburgh in a sting on illegal sex trade; that's 10 policemen to each Sauna, 20 if you count the ones that were of duty and already in there. They weren't even raids in the end, they just turned into staff nights out.

Banana's are bad for monkeys; this changes everything... my whole life has been a lie; whet next, ducks don't like bread? hay is bad for horses? Women don't like being pissed on? I don't know what is real anymore.

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