Monday, 20 January 2014

News for Dummies: 20/01/14

UKIP Councillor David Silvester claims the recent storms and floods are gods work due to the legalisation of Gay marriage; oh is that right David? Well would you like to explain to me why I’m looking at a clear sky on a mild day in the wake of a horrific tragedy where a toddler was murdered? It sounds to me like your god is a fucking cunt.

The bible doesn't even say to stop gay marriage, it says gay people should be killed (Leviticus 20:13) So David, unless you are willing to do that then stop using the bible to justify your discrimination because you aren't even following it.

"I just can't wait to be queen"

Mohammad Al Fayed is going to give Scotland an 8ft Statue of Liberty if they gain independence; just for anyone who want’s to know what the green lady would look like with a traffic cone on her head.

Fife has already been embracing the Manhattan look for years by replicating ground zero in many of their estates.

Denis Rodman has checked into rehab for alcohol addiction after having a controversial rant on TV in North Korea; now I’ve done some crazy shit while I’ve been drunk but never have I woke up in a communist country having befriended its evil dictator and spouted support of his regime to millions, now that’s what I call a session. LAD!

Corrie’s Kevin Webster (Michael Le Velle) is returning to The Street after being cleared of charges for sexually assaulting a girl. The on screen mechanic says he can’t wait to get his hands dirty again under a 9 year old Beatle’s bonnet.

Prices of Take Away meals are set to shoot up after floods devastated rice crops; but that’s all part of gods divine plan remember, when you’re sat there eating Pizza instead of a Curry, that is all because society allows gay people to openly love each other…. He really showed us this time with his mysterious ways.

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