Thursday, 23 January 2014

News for Dummies: 23/01/14

An abandoned "ghost" ship that has been floating around the Atlantic for 12 months is headed towards Scottish shores; when the haunting pale figures are spotted on the Scottish coast, the ghosts might change their mind and turn the ship around.

A weird fan gave Andy Murray a pair of miniature underpants as a gift; Sabotage; how are you supposed to win at tennis if your balls are always out?

Convicts are expected to work in call centres which are opening inside of the jails; talk about salt in the wound, not only do they have their freedom revoked but they've had their time slowed down to a halt by a clock watching shift listening to middle class people asking for more data on their iPhone contract, requesting holiday insurance for the Caribbean and complaining Sky Multi-room isn't working in their summer house.

Even more salt in the wound for you people that work in a call centre and your job has officially been deemed as punishment for a rapist.

I've got some friends that used to work in call centres and they talk like ex-convicts; "I'm not going back in their, I've seen some things, names would flash up on the screens that I couldn't pronounce, you start using your phone voice in regular conversation, we'd sometimes be forced into novelty themed days dressing up in 70's or bad taste while the screws turned their backs, it was hell I tell you, I'm not going back!"

Central heating is responsible for people putting on weight as mild cold forces you to burn calories to stay warm; this explains why fat people are always sweaty.

A judge ruled yesterday that a devout muslim women must remove her face veil if she gives evidence in court; next he'll be saying she has to do take it off at the police line up!!

A motorist is facing prosecution after repeatedly drenching school kids by driving fast through near-by puddles; HA! I think I'll leave you with that image. Why is it making you smile?? You're a bad person!

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