Tuesday, 10 January 2012

News for Dummies 10/1/12

What a weekend in the FA cup Arsenal see the comeback of Thierry Henry. Paul Scholes comes out of retirement for Manchester United; Only to be topped by Liverpool. Who brought back racism in the crowds which no one has seen since the early 60's

Somebody tell celebrity spud scrubber Anthony Worrall Thompson he doesn't need to steal cheese to grate on people.

Charlie Sheen has announced he is fully recovered of his drink, drugs and pussy fuelled madness and is ready to focus on work and being a father; My condolences to his dealer who is out of work and can't support his kids.

A contestant from the gameshow "Take me out" has reportedly punched a woman in the face; I think he misunderstood the title of the show, he was probably just so angry after spending an hour in the company of Paddy McGuinness he couldn't help it.

There is a new Facebook app that allows you to preset a message or status update once you die, you have to nominate 3 trustees that have to verify your death to trigger the message; queue a whole new level of fraping, Necrofrapia:

"Hi guys just to let you know I love you and  because of being surrounded by such great people I left this world a happy man, I'll be watching over my beautiful wife and kids from heaven until we reunite again for eternity, Stevie you're the best little brother in the world, you can achieve anything follow your dreams..... P.S. I like nothing more than to be air locked by huge cocks. Freddie mercury has been gagging for me to get up here, mmmmmm aids jizzz!! I've forgot about you all already SUCKERSS!!!!"   

Today is said to be the busiest day of the year for people looking for new jobs; it must be the date that most of the industrial tribunals are resolved over all the molestations at office xmas parties. 

A convicted peadofile has been spared jail so he can look after his sick mum; well if his mum's sick too lock them both up!!

A giant 2 and a half foot rat has been found dead in a basement in New York; We await Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael to activate his Facebook. Splinter never did trust Michealangelo, he's a twat!

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