Tuesday, 3 January 2012

News for Dummies 3/1/12

It is a very windy day today so remember when you put petrol in your car DON'T FORGET to tell the guy in the petrol station how windy it is outside, he might not have looked out the window yet and non of the other customers would have mentioned it.

Also post any pictures of fallen tree's or tipped bins on facebook just so we can look back in years to come and reminisce about the strong draft of 2012.

Plans to replace front line troops with part-time TA soldiers are being scrutinised because only 1 in 20 are good enough; TA soldiers who refer to themselves as The SAS (Saturdays and Sundays) or SWAT (Some Weekends and Tuesdays) are worried about going on the front line because they will have to use all of there holidays at McDonalds

A 26 year old man in London got arrested for stealing an ambulance; I don't think he is the real criminal in this, it's the policeman that caught him that wants strung up, I mean he hit on lucky this time but who goes around pulling over Ambulances?...... "Step out of the vehicle Sir, we've been informed you have a body in the boot!"

Jordan's Ex-Boyfriend proposed to her on Xmas day.... I hope he proposed that she killed herself!!

At least 40'000 women in the UK have been given faulty breast implants; my girlfriend thought I was going to pay for her to get a boob-job for Xmas, but she misunderstood when I said I wanted to splash out on her tits!

944 serving cops have criminal records; and these are the only cops I trust, it's the goody two shoed, jobs worth cunts that firmly believe in the bullshit laws they serve to enforce that you have to question. If you can't negate a man calling home from a stand still traffic jam, or someone having a spliff outside a Premiere Inn so they can ensure some sleep away from home, you don't deserve the freedom of initiative invested in your position... go and pull over an ambulance! A criminal record should be a requirement in the force, it needs more humans and less robots.

That, people, was a rant!!

A boy in Florida was in a serious condition after being hit by a stray bullet fired over 3 miles away.... WHAT. A. SHOT. They both have awesome stories for life now, one guy gets to survive being shot in the head and the other gets to claim a 3 mile headshot. Such a win win situation!

Studies show that single people called  Kevin are less attractive to the opposite sex; this stat cracks me up!! here are some fella's doing their best to fly the flag for the unfortunate name...

Kevin - It's not fair

Kevin PG Tips Monkey - Makes a good brew

Kevin The Hamster- Roland Rat's Bitch

Kevin Webster - Definitely NOT a rapist

KEVIN HUMPHRIES - Hahahahah Sorry Dad!!!

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