Friday, 13 January 2012

News for Dummies 13/1/12

Happy Friday 13th!!!

A mum whose baby died 13 years ago was horrified to be informed that his brain is in a jar in a hospital; turns out it's running the NHS.

The tennis court on Carlos Tevez's property is to be bulldozed after passers by called it an eyesore; in that case are the council are still waiting for planning permission to bulldoze Carlos' face?

Peter Stringfellow has announced that he wants to be a Dad at 71, Peter needs to consider what he might look like pushing a kid on a swing in the park.

"Not even a dead bee gee would be caught with that hair"

A health survey revealed women can pile on up to 9lbs in 6 months without even realising it; how can you NOT notice, surely it's a massive clue that your boyfriend has stopped fucking you!?

A dwarf was in agony after a thug picked him up and threw him as far as he could while on a night out; I personally think the accused was just finding out how much he could trust the dwarf..... apparently quite a lot.  

Police were called after a decapitated corpse was found on the grounds of mental hospital; I don't know how they took that 999 call seriously "Hello I'm calling from Callington Road mental institution... one of our patients has lost their head" ....... "Really? Isn't that why they're in there in the first place?"

 Have a nice weekend bozo's!! Live in/near Newcastle?? Come see me live at The Stand tonight or tomorrow, details on MY WEBSITE

No comments:

Post a Comment