Monday, 16 January 2012

News for Dummies 16/1/11

Prince Harry has been invited to watch the women's beach volley-ball at the 2012 Olympics; but although the peoples pervert would love to ogle at the girls, health and safety chiefs have deemed it unsafe to have a ginger on the beach.

A cruise ship has capsized on the coast of Italy; thankfully not enough people died for James Cameron to make a shit love story out of. One British survivor said "I haven't been this scared on a boat since I was on the ferry from Amsterdam to South Shields and a family from Blyth where so high they thought they were pirates"

Fines for putting litter in the wrong bins have been lifted; brilliant, I've been dying to bin my girlfriend for ages but didn't know weather to use the green or blue one and couldn't deal with a fine as well as losing half of everything.

Legal cannabis stores in California have named a new marijuana brand "Blue Ivy" after Jay-Z and Beyonce's daughter;  Madonna turned up at the store immediately when she saw the sign "Blue Ivy $300 per ounce" as she considered $43,200 for a 9lb black baby to be a bargain.

Heather Mills had a scare after doctors found a tumour on her leg; but specialists said "Paul let go of her leg she doesn't want you back"

Brits spend over an hour per week stuck in traffic; but thanks to the new unwritten law of Green means go, Amber means go faster and Red means check twitter. We get by.

A convict smuggled a 10 inch gun into prison by hiding it up his bum; I've got a feeling this convict is going to really enjoy prison. When I asked my girlfriend about anal she said "If you use protection" I wonder if that's what she meant.

Lost his bottle

1 girl 1 cup

Starting shit

That's a shit idea

No comments:

Post a Comment