Friday, 20 January 2012

News for Dummies 20/1/12

Knife crime is at an all time high with 42 knife robberies every day totalling in 15,300 cases; Imagine the trauma, your just about to butter your toast and someone steals your knife? YOU'D HAVE TO USE A SPOON, it would be ridiculous.

Single parent families in Britain have hit 2million for the first time; lets have a moment of silence for 2 million dudes losing a third of their pay because they had one too many jagers and 2 million birds who fell for "I love you"

Brooklyn Beckham shocked David's American guests when he asked him for a rubber (eraser) and they thought the 12 year old was asking his dad condoms; This is like the confusion when David asked the Spice Girls if they had a pencil and he got stuck with Victoria.

Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitt's seventh child; I don't know if this is meant to be a tribute to the film Se7en he was in but all I'm saying is it's a good job she isn't going out with Gerrard Butler.

Cooks and canteen workers at a crown court are being quizzed after judges lunches were spiked with urine; here's a little tip, stop letting cunts like Daniel Chrapkowski walk free and people might not piss in your hot pot.

Do your job = Don't inadvertently drink piss

Piss on the community = Community pisses on your chips

Let Criminals walk free = Drink Piss

I don't know what other way to put it.

Twitter was in outrage yesterday as an unverified account @OfficialGlitter started posting as Gary Glitter announcing tour dates and a book release; It's funny that people are going crazy now, he's been on Bebo for years, the last time Gary Glitter tried to fit something into less than 140 characters it was when he gatecrashed a school nativity.

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