Hello lovely beautiful people, how are you today? Oh I’m glad to hear that, I do hope your day continues to go well. What’s that? Why am I being nice? Well, because apparently some people don’t like the torrent of bad words that leave my fingers onto the computer screen and I wouldn’t want to upset anyone. I’m fucking kidding. I couldn’t give a cherry topped shit if my hee-fucking-larious combination of random nouns and swear words offend you ya splooge hoover! TO THE NEWS DILDO BAGGINS!
There has been outrage after videos of children as young as 8 cage fighting has been posted online… Why? What’s the twatting problem? I’m not saying I’d let my kids do it (I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY ARE), but I don’t care either. Are the kids being forced to do it? No. Is it illegal? Nope. Are the parents unaware of the situation? NEGATORY! I fail to see where you’re getting your panties in a twist. “Oh but the videos upset me!” Don’t watching it then you window-licking turd burgular! No one is making you. Go home, open the cupboard and pour yourself a nice big bowl of MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS and make sure you splash a nice dollop of Piss Off and maybe chop up some Get A Life and sprinkle it over the top. Much like these cage fighters you need to grow up. Reports say one kid was seen “sobbing” after the fight, but after checks from the paramedic they gave him a nice big glass of “Man the fuck up” and gently removed his tampon.
23 stone Jen has been deemed “too fit” to get a gastric band fitted. Obviously they don’t mean “fit” as in sexy, coz she’s total minging. She looks like a kid did a finger painting of a woman, then while it was still wet, sat on it.
I also just read that the 8 year old cage fighting boys was condemned by a vicar. But that was mainly because they wouldn’t give him the keys to the cage.
The Lib Dems want kids under the age of 16 to be taught that “No means no” in sex education class. UNLESS ITS OPPOSITE DAY!!!!!
A woman with one arm has been found to have 3 sexually transmitted diseases from one partner. At least we know she doesn’t have the clap. BOOM! TAKE THAT! TAKE THAT TO YOUR FACE LIKE A COMEDY BUKKAKE!
That crazy woman that was on X Factor is still in the paper. I have no problem with her, she seems nice. Weird, but nice. I wouldn’t want to sit beside her on a bus. But that’s because I fucking hate buses. Buses in the UK are like a poverty safari, and in both you still end up with shit being thrown at your car. What I don’t like about this story is all her “friends” coming out and saying “LEAVE HER ALONE”. Then get out of my paper you ugly-faced, shallow whore. If attention were semen you’d be glazed like a fucking doughnut.
Well, that’s enough anger for one day. I think Kais back on tomorrow, so thanks for reading. Go stab yourself. KISS KISS IN YOUR FACE MWAH