Wednesday, 14 September 2011

News for Dummies 14/9

Foreign job seekers who don't learn English will be forced to take language courses or lose their benefits; The people of Newcastle and Liverpool are keen to know, does this just apply to foreigners??

Britain's banks are the worst for customer satisfaction according to reports; yet the cunts still charge you a 1000% gratuity tip if you go £3 over your arranged overdraft!

Transport secretary Philip Hammond claims people who use trains regularly are on significantly higher wages; I'm not sure, the dude pushing the drinks cart down the aisle looked like he could barely afford his heroin!

Megan Fox wants to have kids but claims she can't afford it; someone tell her I regularly use trains!!

Sir Elton John was named the top earning male pop star; linking him suspiciously with Michael Jackson's death.

Sick Internet "troll" Sean Duffy has been jailed for 18 weeks after posting jokes about dead people..... well this blog was fun while it lasted, you reckon I'll get wifi from my cell when they catch up with me??

An Elephant was severely injured after standing on a landmine yesterday in Burma; Onlookers pointed out the Elephant in the BOOM! Jokes aside, I would have paid good money to see that!

Rapper "Chipmunk" heads a campaign informing school kids on why homework is so vital; because you might end up being a rapper called Chipmunk perhaps??

OK, I'm off the grid for a week while I tan my bollocks on a nudist beach in the Canaries, Sloss will keep you informed while I'm away but there may be NO BLOG tomorrow as he's out for his 21st tonight!

Since I'll be missing you for such a long time here are some of the funniest pictures on the internet...they have fuck all to do with the news:

this is my favourite!! LOL

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