Wednesday, 7 September 2011

News for Dummies 7/9

Due to a legality the Red and Black winner Nathan Hageman gets to keep his millions despite beating up a woman; The same legality that allows the Black and White chairman Mike Ashley to keep his millions despite raping an entire city!

The holiday island of Majorca has outlawed Burka's; the decision was made after a petition was received from Piz Buin.

The Lockerbie Bomber is on life support with not long to live; he is hoping to hang on for his turn on Red and Black

Today is a special day where the date is made up of odd numbers 7/9/11; Whoop-de-doo let's throw some chicken bones at the kerb, flip some tarot cards and wank over my lucky porn-star!

Strikers brought Italy to a stand still yesterday in protest over government plans to cut the deficit; the Italian government were confused by what this had to do with Roberto Bagio, Christian Vieri, Alessandro Del Piero and Alberto Gilardino. However Francesco Totti couldn't work out if he was a striker or a left winger so just assisted the protest.

Dave Walliams of Little Britain is currently swimming the length of the Thames; I thought his co-star Matt Lucas beat him to this Accomplishment in January 2006, but it turned out to be a stray Whale.

A Reggae artist has been axed from this years Mobo awards because he is a convicted rapist; I'm sure if the ever make a MORABO awards (Music of Red and Black Origin) he'd get a nomination immediately.

A group of Chimpanzee's used for medical testing see daylight for the first time in 30 years after being freed from their lab; You honestly won't believe this.... the lab was in Austria!!! Next we'll be hearing a chimp went missing in Portugal!

And now for more fun with Burka's

Now you see the little buttons under this writing, click one of them and share this worldly wisdom with Facebook and Twitter!!

And @kaihumphries the shit out of me while you're there..

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