Wednesday, 28 September 2011

News for Dummies 28/9

A Jury was shown pictures of Micheal Jackson's dead body, they were traumatised to see him lying there all gaunt, pale and malnourished, exactly the way they remembered him when he was alive. I'm sure he still looks the same now it's not as if he's bio-degradable

A farmer in Bangor stopped Rhianna from shooting a video in his field because her stripping went against his christian beliefs; he finished the day by artificially inseminating a captive animal before putting a bolt through another animals head... but hey at least he kept his cloths on to keep the baby Jesus happy!

Study shows 28% of taxi drivers text at the wheel... of course they do, those racist jokes doing the rounds had to start somewhere!

A man in Bosnia held a Dr at gunpoint and forced him to give his wife a Cesarean section, I'm not sure of the outcome but I imagine the doc did whatever his wife wanted, lets face it I'd be more terrified of a woman in labour than a Bosnian man with a gun.

OK let's get this straight. A headline in the news today is "Frank Sinatra enjoyed a crossword" Is this really what I'm working with???? I've got to write jokes about what Puzzles Jazz singers are into, I couldn't give a shit if Nat King Cole indulged in Sudukos or if Micheal Buble was still stuck trying to work out his sexual orientation... this simply isn't news!!

The wife of MP John Hemming broke into his mistresses house and stole her cat.... She must have been jealous that her husband was getting another woman's pussy.

There is now a cloud in the paper that is meant to look like Abraham Lincoln.... It looks nothing like Abraham Lincoln.. Actually I give up on working in these conditions, if this constitutes as news I'm leaving you with some clouds that look like Cocks:

No comments:

Post a Comment