Wednesday, 10 August 2011

News for Dummies 10/8

Apple has become the worlds biggest company pipping oil giant Exxon Mobil; They were both neck and neck until the riots put Mobil in front with all the petrol bombs but then when the looters decided to organize using the twitter app Apple won by photo finish! 

The looting continues in cities across England; I'm tempted to kick it off here in Scotland by shoplifting a load of fudge and shortbread from the royal mile!

Cher Lloyd has had a bollocking off her management for trashing a hotel room in London; apparently there were Barbie dolls and feathers from the pillow fight everywhere. I'm not going to count this as a rock and roll moment for the simple reason when Steve Tyler did shit like this the didn't get grounded!!...."Steve get to you're room and no TV....oh it's on the pavement!"

SatNav firm Tom-Tom have announced the M25 as Britains most congested road after a 49mile traffic jam on July 29th; Tom-Tom not only tell you to turn off for a junction once you have passed it but they now also bring you statistics 2 weeks after they happen.  

Blake is to write a book on Amy Winhouse; I can imagine it will be like the sequel to Train Spotting.

Archaeologists have discovered that a massive bird the size of a T-rex roamed central Asia 85million years ago; but the question is, could she sing as good as Susan Boyle too?

A junkie was arrested for hitting a 91 year old man with an expensive bottle of champagne; but it turns out she was tripping and thought he was a ship!

Micheal Jackson had had 10 of his pieces of art donated to a children's hospital; they've hung this one at the entrance...

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