News for Dummies 3/8

This might appear to be a late edition of news for dummies but I am in a different timezone. Turns out 11pm at the Edinburgh Fringe is 7am....

Jennifer Lopez has been slated by activists by wearing a fur coat made from white fox pelts; Dan Mathews an animal rights campaigner said "People who wear fur are either ignorant or arrogant about animal suffering, J-Lo is firmly in the arrogant camp but I totally still would!"

I made sure no animals died for my new hat :o)

Dragons Den star Duncan Bannatyne has put a £50k bounty on the thug that threatened to harm his daughter if he didn't cough up £35'000... Now I'm no accountant but surely Duncan would have been better off just paying it!?

Ed Miliband is snapped carrying a big pile of Leadership books; this is like my girlfriend reading the Haynes manual on how to change oil in her car when really if it comes down to it she'll just get her brother to do it!

Paul Daniels got knocked unconscious when he was hit by a pizza during a stunt on the Sooty show; Sooty was left speechless!!! This was an unorthodox way to throw tomatoes at a shit performer... he's actually at the fringe I suggest tinned tomatoes if anyone goes to see his show.

Lol at how aggressive I just got towards poor old Paul Daniels for no reason.

A scientist claimed schoolgirls who do P.E. without a sports bra could end up with saggy boobs; this isn't part of his research he just said it in the pub out the blue when he was drunk!

Over 100 pigeons have been shot and dumped in the river Clyde; It was probably J-Lo. A poor old Scotish man is going to be sat on his own at his Birthday party tonight because his friends never got their invites.

A sea king trying to rescue a woman at a harbour had there efforts hindered by a group of youths shining laser pens at the pilot; the group of delinquents have also been know to tickle surgeons during live saving operations and do "not touching can't get mad" during bomb disposals  

It's my first Edinburgh fringe show tonight at the Wee Coo at 10:30, I'm pretty damn excited. Click Me if you wanna come!!