Wednesday, 31 August 2011

News for Dummies 31/8

Stoke city have put in a bid for Tottenham's Peter Crouch; who'd have thought this would be such a popular one at the Vatican

Most cloths given to charity doorstep collections are sold abroad for private profit; aahhh I thought the luck-lucky man that sold me this broken watch in Magaluf was wearing my old Newcastle Goalkeeper top who knows it might even have actually been Shakka Hislop that was shouting "Chicken Nugget" into my face!

A school is giving out lap-tops to students who enrol in 6th form but they must hand the lap-tops back when they leave; this is the head of years way of getting pictures of all the 6th form girls in their underwear from the received files in all the boys' MSN messenger download folders. Less of a joke more of a fact.

Scientists claim they can make the Internet 10 times faster by using the thinnest material in the world instead of Silicone; but Madonna wont let us use her skin so we will have to wait until she dies.

A fair ground ride at Skegness pleasure beach collapsed crushing fair-goers underneath it; One on-looker described it as dreadful claiming "I could hear people underneath the ride screaming... but it just wouldn't go any faster"

Shorter than usual today but I've got shit to do, back tomorrow with your full dose... 

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