Tuesday, 2 August 2011

News for Dummies 2/8

Amy Winehouse's man-widow Reg Traviss has announced that they secretly got engaged; I think you might have your wires crossed Regie, she said "Will you carry me" she was off her tits.... and of course you're gonna say you secretly got engaged, your lawyers have told you that's the safest way to her riches!!

30% of all 11 year old's could be leaving primary school this summer without having a grasp of basic maths; Holy Shit!! That's over half of them!

Hidden Camera's caught a pair of X-Factor contestants snorting cocaine in the dressing room before they performed in the 5th round of the show. Producers should have sussed them out in the first audition when Simon Cowell asked them to "tell us a little bit about yourself" and they went on for 3 hours.

Harry Potter Auther JK Rowling has discovered she has come from a long line of single mums; I just went and got my breakfast from Gregg's and looking at the queue.... that's where I've just come from too!

It's a sad, sad day for all the babies that will never be born because of the pictures of Rhianna in the papers today.

A man who had been shot in the head managed to flag down and get on a bus in London; I've been on buses in London and I can see how they can be easily mistaken for an A&E waiting room!

A scientist in South London flew a 21 year old African girl from Tanzania and treat her as a slave getting her to cook, clean and nanny for free. The scientist was devastated when she got arrested as it meant her time travel device hadn't worked.

A women beat cancer by spotting it early due to her sudden craving for lettuce.... Oh great, now I'm worried sick about my pet Tortoise!!

Raymond and his Tumour

Well I'm off up the road to Edinburgh for the month, I will continue the blog from there but why dont you come see me.... in fact why waste any time come tomorrow!!! 10:30pm at the Underbelly Wee Coo Click here for info!!!

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