Tuesday, 9 August 2011

News for Dummies 9/8

The nation sits back watching in disgust as petrol bombs are thrown for the third day running in the London riot; no-one can believe it is happening what with the petrol prices being upward of £1.34/litre, are they made of money!!?

Police turn water canons on yobs; now shop keepers must put down sufficient wet floor cones in case the get taken to court and closed down by the HSE for looters slipping and spraining their ankle.... I wish that was a joke!!

Birmingham hit by looting in copy-cat riots; except because of the Brummy lethargic, can't be arsed "just getting by one day at a time" mentality they only managed to tip over a couple of bins while the looters formed a queue and paid.

Prince Harry wants to be sent to Afghanistan to fight the Taliban; but he is told the desert is no place for a ginger!!

Despite their millions Jedward are only given £20 per week pocket money between them; I've just been on the Asda website and found out that is more than enough. For £20 they 2128 paracetamol. That should do the trick and they'd still had 5p change.

Brad Pitt has pulled out of a movie role with Nicole Kidman because they have "No Chemistry" Which is odd because Tom Cruise (The last person to pull out of Nicole Kidman) became a Scientologist!

A woman in Aberdeen has had to flee her home because it has been invaded by over 1000 protected bats that legally can't be moved; It makes me think the houses of Parliament must have been someones home before all those blood suckers took over the place! 

A patient at Stobhill Hospital had their short term memory wiped out after a Dr's blunder during brain treatment; So Leanne Simpson if you are reading this you might want to scroll back up to the top of the page.

Don't let the funnies stop here: Keep Laughing

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