Thursday, 11 August 2011

News for Dummies 11/8

Amy Winhouse's home was robbed days after she died; the thief got away with a load of her heroin spoons and couple of wigs, police are followed their leads to this place...

Button moon - costa del crime!

Actual question: Is it the shading or is Emily, 21, from Warrington showing a bit of flap in today's Sun??

A women died after a paramedic half a mile away failed to respond to the 999 call about her heart attack because he was on his tea-break; fucking hell it's like an after hours Kit-Kat advert! But what was he meant to do? ...Take it with him and let it potentially scald himself???....Let it go cold???? He just couldn't win!

Edinburgh castle had a "record" of 200'000 visitors in July... I'm not entirely convinced this is a record, now I'm no historian but surely it had more English visitors in the 12 & 13 hundreds when it was used as a CASTLE!! (I've seen Braveheart)*

*this is news for dummies so please feel free to correct my historic inaccuracies!

There have been a several UFO sightings in west Kilbride; they left after failing to find intelligent life, besides they couldn't get parked because of the restrictions... Locals were disappointed to miss out on the anal probs!

Petrol stations have banned containers being filled because of the unrest; that would have been a better excuse for the paramedic!!

A Hartlepool man is jailed and banned from keeping dogs after doping his greyhound with Viagra; first Hartlepool mistake a monkey for a spy (historically accurate) and now they mistake a dog for Hugh Heffner.

A runaway tortoise has been rescued from the motorway; luckily it didn't come to any harm because it got stuck behind my Granddad Harry who popped out for milk

That last joke wasn't funny or controversial but I'm in a hurry so to make it up to you I've left you a game of spot the difference:

<<<< Famine in Somalia

                       Maxi Jazz

(Answer: the woman in one of the photo's is white)

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