Thursday, 14 July 2011

News for Dummies 14/7

How can we pass a test when we don't listen to you???

Immigrants using marriage to get into the country will face tough tests about "Each other" before being granted citizenship to prove the marriage isn't just a sham ploy to get a Visa; I can only imagine the test result papers:

1) the middle of April Nineteen Seventy-something
2) Cheese I think...wait it might be motorsport
3) Off memory I'd say her left boob is the biggest, depends which way you're coming in from
4) 5 brothers, 3 sisters... the retard is adopted I think
5) Since we met? I'd say she's put on about 3 stone!!

The rest of the questions are a decoy they only need the answer to question 5 to prove the wedding is legitimate!!

Squatters rights are finally being lifted; This is great news can we now get Cameron out of number 10??

A cabbie in Greece went berserk slashing at a group of tourists with a knife, killing one teenage lad; they only said "keep the change" it must have tipped him over the edge.

Sharon Osbourne’s stolen £200'000 ring turned up on TV's crimewatch; It's a stroke of luck that she watched that show, but as she stated; It's the only way she gets to see her kids.

Transformers are set to be the number one must have children’s toy this Christmas; However I'm a bit dubious about buying my nephew a petrol generator!

Britain’s top Spy's are quitting over budget cuts to take higher paid jobs at google; it will be a similar line of work just instead of searching for terrorists from Islamic groups in Pakistan they'll be searching for nipple slips from Lady Gaga in pornhub.

A British man was caught in South African customs smuggling cocaine from South Africa in a Bra that he was wearing; I wonder if when he first pulled on that bra he envisaged fulfilling the role of becoming some-ones girlfriend... because in a Johannesburg prison I doubt you have a choice

Some schools have banned kids from using suntan-lotion; Proof that in 2011 ginger kids are still being victimized!

News for dummies will reach a milestone 10'000 hits today if you all share this on facebook an twitter!!

"For info on my 2011 fringe show click here"

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