Wednesday, 20 July 2011

News for Dummies 20/7

Rupert Murdoch claimed it was the most humble day of his life yesterday as he apologised to MP's for the phone hacking scandal; He proved this by eating humble pie when an attacker threw a custard pie in his face "Three Stoogies" style, when Rupert left the conference he also stood on an upturned rake before peddling of on a tiny bicycle. The police have his attacker is in Custardy.

Murdoch's Chinese bride Wendi Deng (who used to play volleyball) leaped to his defence and spiked the attacker with an Olympic standard slam over the net of suits in her way......

Check out her form in slow motion:

I just wish she had a history in football because an overhead kick would have been much more spectacular!!

British police work closer with overseas police forces to stop illegal sex trafficking; "LOL" because policemen would never dreeeeeaaamm of sleeping with a hooker!!??? They might as well get police to deal with Drug Trafficking too.... oh they do!! Just so long as they're getting all the coke and prozzies so we don't have to. What noble selfless individuals *cough*"corruption"*cough*

Justin Beiber has agreed to do a private gig in Beckhams home for his kids in exchange for soccer lessons. If this is how celebrities make trade surely Bieber should be doing a gig for a famous Singer's kids??

Steven Gerrard has been banned by his pregnant wife from giving his 3rd child the middle name "Eight" He is more than disappointed because Steven is a big Dr.Who fan and they've already agreed on the first name being "Extermin"

A postman hid over 31'000 letters at his home in Burnley.... No wonder he was so fucking good at scrabble!!

People in Indonesia are lying across railway tracks as they suspect that the electricity cures illness; I suspect we're going to have a few flat liners.

Badgers are in danger of a cull after suggestions they cause tuberculosis in cattle; One badger was questioned on the matter and all he said about it is "MASSSSHHH POTATO!!!"

I'm ending the day's news on a "Bodger and Badger" joke, if you don't get it google it..... if you don't get the first story google "cream pie" (NSFW)

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