News for Dummies 5/7

Carlos Tevez has requested to leave City because his wife doesn't want to move to Manchester; Sharron Tevez has made it clear she isn't leaving her flat in Runcorn as it is perfectly placed between Odd Bins and Mario's Pizza and right next to the bus station if she ever needs to pop to Warrington for some bits and bobs.

Page 3 girl Poppy, 20, from Somerset has got shit tits; surely "Mint tits" is a minimum requirement to make it onto page 3. 

Half of UK families are broke having no money left after the bills come in; then why start a family??? Love: making people bite off more than they can chew since Adam and Eve!!

A pill designed to help you quit smoking can put you at risk of a Heart Attack or Stroke; Next we'll find out chemotherapy gives you Aids and Canesten Duo gives you Herpes!!
 
I got carried away while trimming my baw-bag this morning and ended up shaving my arse crack. I'm going to regret that in a couple of days!! (TMI??)

You didn't want to be a fly on the wall in my house thismorning!

800 Trolleys worth £80 each were stolen from an Asda in Essex; although the people of Essex just thought they were whoops'd and flocked to buy them for £1 each.

A school prom in Colchester was brought forward 5 days as it clashed with a pupils operation as brave Megan Parker was due to go in for surgery on the same day; The lads in the school all agree the Prom should have been put back 5 days, not forward, so they could all have enjoyed Megan's new tits.

A fraudster got away with stealing over £630'000 in a series of scams using 128 fake ID's... The man was black and the people checking these ID's were clearly massive racists, he physically can't look the same as 128 other people surely!!?

A teacher at a school in Lincoln has been suspended for sending a pupil a valentine’s card; This is fucking down-right disgraceful... who on earth would do such a thing... send a valentines card in July???

It's my birthday today so make me this happy by sharing my b-l-o double G on facebook and twitter!!

.......look I know it's only one G but so is Dog!!