Wednesday, 6 July 2011

News for Dummies 6/7

I aint got much time so here goes....

Controversy as a new lottery where the prize is IVF treatment, is commissioned; This is nuts, if I ever play the sex lottery I'd sooner win the Chlamydia than the kid, they've got the prizes in the wrong order...shit if it's a roll over to they get Aids too??

Critics say the game should be aborted.

Just before the camera man got right hooked in the face!!

Man City's Italian striker Mario Balotelli is slated for wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a knife on it; look this doesn't mean he has one in his pocket or condones people carrying them. He also had a Man City badge on his shirt the other day but it doesn't mean he has a piece of shit in his pocket or condones people carrying pieces of shit (although he probably did)

BBC news bulletins could be disrupted later this month due to strike action; Expect my news blog to be through the early news media of "word of mouth" later in the month
"According to my mate Steve his Uncle Tony went to school with Nick Clegg an said he still breast fed at the age of 15... this well explain why he's still sucking up to a right tit at the age of 44." 

Josh Miller, 12 was found hiding under his home after being missing for 9 days; I'm going to try this but I think the couple in the flat downstairs will be livid when they get in from work (BOOOM a call-back to a joke from Mondays blog for you avid readers!!)

A King Charles Spaniel was bitten by an adder and died in a back garden;  I misread that at first and thought Prince Charles' Spaniel had been bitten by a snake. But don't worry Camilla is fine!

A mum in Carlisle left her 3 kids in the car for 45 minutes at 104*F; add some steamed veg and a peppercorn sauce and that sounds delicious. (NB: the kids are fine they just have BO)

Scientist are working on a hearing aid type device for your nose to increase your sense of smell; you can't turn your nose up at that.... well you can!!

Well I've been packing all morning and I've gotta hit the road but as always I found time for you, off to India tomorrow so you will have the pleasure of Daniel's company again!! I can't wait to read them myself.

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