Friday, 15 July 2011

News for Dummies 15/7

The house of Fred and Rosemary West is being used as a brothel; not much has changed because if you find yourself in there chances are you're fucked!!

The Guardian apologises to the Sun; this isn't Greek Mythology, it's the newspapers over an accusation, it's kind of like the old man at the top of the street apologising to the delinquent kid because he doesn't want any more trouble.

James Corden is set to play Ron Atkinson in a new film; It's a shame Bernard Manning is dead he would have been ideal.

It is said David Beckham wept with Joy at his daughters birth; despite not knowing who Joy is or why she was there!!

In Britain a household is robbed every 40 seconds; the government prefer to call it income tax.

In the wake of all the the phone hacking scandals I'm worried I might be in deep trouble for some of the calls I've been listening into lately; when my bird gets the phone bill and see'sthat I've been eves dropping on Babe-Station every night.

Kai Humphries keeps shamelessly plugging his exciting new fringe show which includes everything from Rubik's cube to battle rap; and if you want more information you can click HERE

Can anyone remember when the stitching would tear on your football (caser) and the orange bladder would start to pop out between the patches; we called that "a boob"

A 29 year old has become Britain's youngest Granddad after his daughter give birth at 14; The one week old baby is already pregnant and the foetus inside it is also said to be pregnant... they family are like council estate Russian Dolls!!

Two barbers in Derby got into a fight outside one of their shop's; one barber lead with a scissor kick but the other swept the floor when he finished him off with an upper-cut.

Have a great weekend, If you live near Oxford I will be previewing at Kill for a seat tonight


LOCAL this Sunday previewing my show at NEWCASTLE Live Theatre... see some of you there???

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