Monday, 4 July 2011

News for Dummies 4/7

Kate Moss was so bored during the best man speech at her wedding she put her head in her hands; but Kate not everyone is as good as you at preparing lines.

Homeowners will be offered a month off from their council tax if they insulate their loft. Sweet I'm going to save £99 but the couple that live in the flat above me are going to be livid when they get in from work.

Women may be fighting on the front line by 2012 in a world first by Australia; fucking hell I won't even let my girlfriend have a go on call of duty! Well I guess the rest of the soldiers on the front line need fed and sucked off......... should I leave that in??....... fuck it I'll leave it in!!

Britain has pledged 38million to feed 1.3 Ethiopians for 3 months; works out that they each have 32p a day allowance,  let's hope they build a Wetherspoons! I just know all my dinner money went on football stickers, just what Africa need's, a load of swapsies!

Tom Hanks is facing the biggest flop of his career with new film Larry Crowne; I'll always remember the biggest flop of my career it was the morning after taking a jelly Viagra, I wanted to show everyone, it was like a baby seal.

Ashley and Cheryl Cole are officially back together; this is an exciting publicity stunt because it means Cheryl's career is on its way down and hopefully if I gain a miniscule amount of notoriety through my stand-up comedy, we will end up in the Jungle together and I'll tell the gullible fucker anything she needs to hear in exchange for something worth high-5ing my mates over! (PLAN)

This Blog entry has had to come to an abrupt end because my mate Matthew Canning has got a puncture and doesn't know how to change his tyre so called me to come and help. While I'm away here are a few pictures of girls changing tyres to end today’s “playfully” misogynistic blog:

And Finally, a small child changing a tyre:

No comments:

Post a Comment