Thursday, 21 July 2011

News for Dummies 21/7

27 year old nurse Rebecca Leighton arrested over hospital Saline Killings; She was brought in for questioning because she often updated her facebook status that she "hated working night shifts" If this is seriously a lead I think I may be a suspect myself!! It should be the other way around, in my previous jobs if someone has openly admitted ENJOYING night shifts I have give it serious consideration that they may be a serial killer!

A Body Guard is claiming damages after sexual harassment from Britney Spears, he said she was unhygienic and picked her nose between repeated unwanted advances... Is Gok Wan a bodyguard now?? What's going on? For a line of work that being on steroids is the only criteria of employment you wouldn't find yourself on such a high-horse of self respect!! 

Paris Hilton stormed out of a meeting after being asked if she was a hasbeen; This is in the wake of her new TV show being a flop, she screamed "there has never been a flop in anything I have recorded in 15 years."

Chris Brown is being dubbed the Neighbour from hell; He keeps leaving his car in the disabled bay, but this is for when girls leave his house after he beats them up. He also plays deafening rap music in the mornings but he now has a radio alarm clock the shape of Rhianna's face so he is more likely to hit the snooze button.

A UN aid chief accused MP's and the media of ignoring African famine victims because of their obsession with phone hacking; on an answerphone message he left to a close friend.

A leopard mauled and injured several villagers in West Bengal, so they killed it!! Know your place on the food-chain bitch!!

Linford Christie was in a nasty car accident after coming back from the USA and accidentally driving on the wrong side of the road. He should know better, last time he done 30mph in the wrong lane he got disqualified from the race.

A man died by being crushed by a fork-lift truck; while I was thinking of a quip for this story I google imaged "fork lift truck funny" and it brought up an image of Susan Boyle!! (seriously)

No thingymajigs were harmed during the making of this blog....

Ba-Nana - what's my name!!?

I'm doing my Edinburgh preview at Sheffield (Lescar) tonight... but make sure you ALL come and see the completed show at the Fringe Festival in August >>>> CLICK ME <<<<< p.s. check 2nd, 3rd + 4th Loads Cheaper :o) 

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