Wednesday, 27 July 2011

News for Dummies 27/7

Chris Evans is in full recovery after his big C scare; this is great news however he is still struggling to recover from the Big G he was diagnosed with at birth, after 45 years of struggling with the condition doctors are considering chemo.

George Osborne tried to put a brave face on about Britain's economy by saying well at least we're not Greece. In that breath Greece are getting through it by saying at least we aren't Somalia and Somalia are sleeping at night because they aren't Panda's

Today marks 1 year before the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics; So it's o.k. I've got a year to think about jokes for that.

A dance class in Bolton has been blasted for teaching pole dancing to children as young as 7; Personally I can't wait to go to Bolton in 2023 to see what the lap dance bootcamp has created they'll be spinning round that pole like a helicopter propeller with daddy issues.

A 94 year old woman was nearly kicked to death by a Kangaroo but fought it of with a broom. It's like the episode of Skippy when he got rabies, she now says that she hates all Kangaroo's but I think that's a bit of  a sweeping statement.

A factory worker had his foot crushed by a two-ton roll of paper; he must have had a stone in his shoe*

9 in 10 people who are claiming incapacity benefit are fit to work; But judging by my recent trip to McDonald's 9 in 10 people who work should be claiming incapacity!

The taxidermist who provided stuffed animals for the Harry Potter movies has been arrested for crimes by trading in endangered species.... That's not a crime to taxidermy, these are crimes to taxidermy:

*paper beats stone, dummy!

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