Wednesday, 15 June 2011

News for Dummies 15/6

Blood donation to save lives; No shit Sherlock I thought I was just giving blood to get people stoned!

The Philippines have removed marker posts from reefs disputed with China over ownership; Talk about neighbours bitching, what did China want to build a conservatory on it or something?? This reminds me off the time our next door neighbour Keith put up a fence but built it with the posts in my dad’s garden and dad claimed that meant it was technically his fence..... oh boys will be boys!!!

9 North Koreans defect to the south; wow North and South Koreans look so dissimilar how on earth will they get away with it??
"Come baak too norf-kaweeeaa my pwitty's"

Striking workers face public wrath; That's the last time I strike a worker!!
Education secretary Michael Gove warns schools to raise the bar; as GCSE results will be better if the short kids can't get drunk.

Google hikes up the speed of searches saving browsers 2-5 seconds; Jeeves feels like a right useless old has-been and starts talking shit about google on forums under a fake alias even suggesting he steals searches off Yahoo.

The NHS have lost a laptop with 8.6 million medical records on; I feel their pain as I once lost a ps1 memory card with completed data for Final Fantasy VII,VIII and IX. Metal Gear Solid and Resident Evil: Nemisis. The part of me that dies inside has never grown back.

Asian gang ran a prostitution ring with girls as young as 13; Bloody foreigners, get all the good jobs!! My agent hasn't asked me to take a joke down in ages.... Hi Marlene!! :o)

Sean Bean was stabbed by his girlfriends ex outside a pub.... When questioned Sean Bean said the knife was sharp..... I'm going to go now!!

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