Friday, 24 June 2011

News for Dummies 24/6

Barcelona have bid £27m for Cesc Fabregas; I'm sorry but if I had £27m to spend I would buy a Harrier Jump-Jet and a Castle!!

Education Secretary Michael Gove urges schools to stay open during the teachers strike on June 30th; this date will be known as National Bully Day "In the yard no one can hear you scream Miss" Fat and Ginger kids turn to God.

A jet carrying 5 Iranian scientists has crashed; Now I'm don't normally buy into conspiracies but it doesn't take Scooby Doo to raise suspicions on that one.

Kenneth Clark spent £27m on Consultants, he could have had Cesc Fabregas.... and lets face it premiership footballers probably know more about rape laws than the consultants anyway!

A postman who stole packages from the sorting office last year was let off lightly after claiming he suffered flashbacks from a scary roller coaster ride; Really!?? I wonder if I could get away with robbing a bank because I still get flashbacks of the time I got hit in the face by one of those All-Terrain footballs (the one with the dimples) on a winters morning during a game of heads and volleys when it was clearly stated "No Blasties"

A driver has been sentenced to 3 years in prison for failing to tell the authorities he has epilepsy; He should probably avoid the "flash-back" loophole

Lady Gaga cried at a conference in Tokyo remembering the victims of the Tsunami; After witnessing this natural phenomenon on Lady Gaga's face Japanese volunteers had a "Eureka!" moment and rushed to pack the coast lines with loads of Make-Up.

A 2 year old boy took a 24 mile journey after crawling unattended onto a bus; The poor boy had to sit through hours of chavs playing mobile phone music, a drunk mumbling to himself and an old lady shouting conversation into a strangers face. The boy has been put down as these flashbacks could have turned him in to the next Hitler

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