Tory MP, Andrew Brigdon, has been cleared of grope allegations; when asked what he thought of the accusations he said "I felt a right tit."
Police who foiled the plot to kidnap Joss Stone seized a note from the culprit that said "Find a river to dump her in!" But there was a flaw in their plan, because the last time I threw a Stone in a river it skipped across the surface 8 times and landed on the opposite bank.
A Policeman on a horse caught a fugitive after a 1/4 mile chase through a shopping centre; Someone has been playing Red Dead Redemption. The suspect is currently hog-tied on a railway line.
Bin Laden's replacement has been announced as Ayman al-Zawahiri; When I first heard this news I thought someone had found Alan, because in Newcastle "wey aye man Al's awa hear" is quite a common phrase.
4 in 10 youngsters think it's fine to be exposed to the sun for 2 hours without protection; 6 in 10 youngsters NEVER sunbathe without a condom on.
1500 customers of internet service provider Virgin Media have been warned that their PCs are infected with a malicious virus; Now if I caught a virus off a virgin.... I'd have questions.
Obesity in teenage boys increases later cancer risk; fucking hell they can't win!!