Monday, 6 June 2011

News for Dummies 6/6

Craig Johnston: Grounded
I went to see The Hangover 2 with Craig Johnston last night but he is trying to keep it on the down low because Stacie wants to see it with him. Stacie if you are reading this how did you turn a 6ft, 250lb, 30 year old man into such a pussy?????
China defends naval action; look if they all want to get their belly buttons pierced it’s their own prerogative and don’t need to explain themselves to you!!
A 17 year old  Chinese boy sold his Kidney to buy an iPad2; Who gives a fuck about the regulation of electrolytes, maintenance of acid-base balance, and regulation of blood pressure. Not to mention the natural filtration and waste removal of the blood when there’s an App for that!?
Apparently he just wanted Angry Birds in his life; Ironically his mam and sister are livid! They thought he was just going to sell his Organ.
Solar panelled tunnels in Belgium power high speed train lines; Scotland plan to follow suit but are only hopeful of generating enough energy to power the train drivers electric toothbrush.  
12 arrested after a large scale disturbance at a McDonalds in Northamptonshire; One man was said to have life threatening head injuries, he could barely maintain consciousness, was slurring his words and showing early signs of brain damage. Turns out it was just a member of staff and he had nothing to do with the ruckus.

There has been a medical breakthrough in male infertility; but it's ok lads we can still use condoms, pulling out or even the stairs.

A 13-year-old schoolboy has invented a doorbell which tricks burglars into believing home owners are inside by dialling their mobile phones and allowing them to speak to whoever is at the door; Not to rain on his parade but if I was going to burgle a house I wouldn’t be using the doorbell. This kid who invented it is actually ginger (and they don’t call the game knocky door blonde) his phone is going to be ringing off its tits!

The new tomb raider trailer was shown in advance of the games release next year; Producers (Square) have announced they are making the game so you only need to use one half of the control pad allowing geeks to manipulate Lara Croft with one hand.

There is a new tablet to slow down lung cancer; but this news doesnt interest us, we've already found out you can get a tablet for your kidney.

I hope this kerbed your monday blues if only for a short while.... now get back to work, I mean facebook!!

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